Hash Trash

In the 1st Circle, the GM Arse Bandit delegated Cannon Ball to be the ‘stand in GM’ for today’s proceedings. CB invited the lone virgin into the Circle and warmly welcomed him. The Hares then told us about the impending run & walk…..beware of barbed wire on the walk, and the unfortunate truth that the run was ‘fucked and incomplete – just run out to the first check and turn around’; well, lead hare Arse Bandit meant to say ‘the second check’ – alas, the runners trudged up & down mountains and through vast expanses of elephant grass until the paper abruptly ended…..we then turned around and repeated the experience in reverse.

Our excellent savory fare of the day was spicy pasta prepared by our Hash OnOnOn Taxi Belle Bar colleagues, Unconscious Masturbator & Pickaninny.

2nd Circle began with Arse Bandit saying he had something important to say and then forgot what it was – he then fucked off to the far reaches of the Circle as Cannon Ball continued to run the show with fervor and aplomb.

The raffle witnessed Sauerkraut Bone Collector winning thrice in 10 draws – lucky him, who was gracious enough to take only 2 prizes instead of 3; Spastic Whore King chose an apropo pair of spandex leggings – they might be a bit short for his long shanks!

Miraculously, the run was not deemed ‘Hash Shit’, as the prevailing attitude on this Hash is to encourage members to embrace haring to ensure the hare line remains robustly full. Incentives in this vein include reimbursement for snacks bought by the hares and the outsourcing of dinner duties on a quasi-full-time basis to Taxi Belle Bar. Even more miraculous was a ‘good run’ designation, though the hares mysteriously lost the ice bucket – sacrilege!

Run comments:

Virgin from Essex: ‘I didn’t know what to expect – it was great!’

Jackal: ‘After 3 beers here in the Circle, it was a fine run!’

HardOn: ‘Let’s be positive!’

Beverly Hills Pink Cock: ‘Ya, I couldn’t find zee water pipe!”

Naked Horse: ‘More Hills, more thorns!’

GI Joe: ‘It’s the best run I’ve done today!’

Walk comments:

Fuckoff: ‘Great view!’

Phantom: ‘Short walk, lost paper!’

Fuckoff was iced for forgetting his HHH shirt and hat on the previous Jungle event.

Cannon Ball reminded us that his 55th Birthday Bash will be a Chimps bar hop on Wed Sept 30, commencing at 6 pm and starting at the Robin Hood Bar in Jomtien – everyone arriving by 6 pm will have their first libation courtesy of CB!

The virgin was again welcomed, and the circle at the suggestion of Na Hee Man, ruminated on a possible future hash name for him – ‘Essex Boy’ or ‘Essex Girl’. When asked who made him come, the virgin said ‘Naked Horse’. It was then imparted that these two flamers met down BoyzTown!

It turns out that the Hares (Arse Bandit & Drinks Like A Girl) had indeed truly fucked up, for they actually bushwacked through 500 meters of shiggy from the ‘designated turn-around point (ie where the paper abruptly ended)’ back to the A site, yet had no more paper to mark the trail – go figure! More of the unsullied truth revealed that DLAG had hurt his knee on the reccee and AB had poked himself in the eye with a sharp stick (a bamboo sliver – I shit you not!) and couldn’t see where he was going anyway…..a real pair of charlatans, these two!

Further foolishness ensued, Mr. Bean singing snippets of obscure HHH songs & ditties as the Circle was opened for trail offenses…..with anyone welcome to contribute, Na Hee Man invited Jackal to have a beer for crashing on the trail multiple times, with each fall signaled by a significant bellow followed by a thankfully injury-free dust off……NHM also iced Hard On and welcomed Anal Compulsion to elicit their respective descriptions of Hard On’s amorous pursuits/conquests over the years……Hard On: “I’ve fucked a lot of fucking sluts in my fucking life”…..Anal Compulsion: “It seems that Hard On has bedded a variety of women during his life”!!! Drinks Like A Girl was asked to pass judgement on these disparate opinions and if he thought gender might have anything to due with the two greatly variant perspectives; he chose not to rise to the bait, and diplomatically stated: “Hard On, unlike 90% of the world’s eligible work force, actually now has a job and earns money. As such, I reckon he’s free to spend his hard-earned cash in any way he sees fit!”!

The acting GM closed the circle after Burl Ives sang us the ‘Dogs’ Asshole’ song, and in a nice touch, enacted 15 minutes of social drinking before the baht buses left for the Taxi Belle OnOnOn Bar – once there, more comfort food pasta was dished up and several ice-cold beers were guzzled all around & into the night….

Na Hee Ma